


A Faded Memory

by DreadWolfInMyDreams



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Smut, Spoilers, The Fade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-02 07:54:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2805203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreadWolfInMyDreams/pseuds/DreadWolfInMyDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas visits Lavellan in the Fade.  Post game smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Calling

Of course he could hear her subconsciously calling to him. He could focus his mind and hear any of the people if he tried. Most days it was a light buzz in the back of his mind. The days when Varric made fun of him the most were when the buzz grew into a roar because the people were frightened. He could hear her if he tried but when he opened his mind to her… her voice screaming his name in battle, her eyes pouring their love into his shattered soul, the contrast of his rough hands on her silken skin the first time they kissed in reality.  
“No” he thought “It can not be. It is better this way.” He lied to himself. He closed his eyes and gave in to her pull and her voice rang through his mind as clear as a bell.

“Ma sa’lath, where have you gone? I have looked everywhere for you. This… this is the time I thought we would be spending together. I have prayed to our gods ten times over looking for an answer to why you vanished. I know my prayers fall on deaf ears though. I worry that you have perished as you haven’t even come to me in the Fade. One visit to let me know you were alright. I think you might have given me that. You could have tried.”  
His heart broke anew as he felt her emotions flow over with those last words. Without seeing he knew that tears streaked her face.  
“The Fade. Perhaps. I could follow a memory give it new life. She need never know it anything but a dream.”

 

Ellana wandered about Skyhold that day from one minor dispute to another. She felt like she spent countless hours solving the ridiculous squabbles of nobles and as of late even cementing a romantic interest or two for her friends. This particular day had been the latter of course. She let her mind drift back to the week prior when after weeks of inviting them both for cards Dorian and Iron Bull confessed they had spent an evening with each other. Their unlikely pairing made her smile but it also brought her thoughts back to her own despair. She had spoken to Leliana however her network had not found a trace of Solas anywhere. As she wandered she found herself in Skyhold’s garden. She found a secluded spot and settled herself on the ground with the sun on her back. She opened up a small book and began to write ” Ma sa’lath…” as she wrote she poured her heart into it hoping that perhaps this time her prayers were heard. When she finished writing she looked down and realized that the paper was stained with tears. As she always did after writing a prayer she ripped out the page and burnt it letting the ashes rise to the heavens. It was just after sunset, she could retire to her room and no one would wonder why. As she walked to her room her mind wandered. “All this time and I haven’t dreamt of him. Strange. ” She thought then of Solas when it was just the two of them. Smiling as she walked up the stairs she thought about how she loved that time when he laughed to hard and snorted. He was so embarrassed that the tips of his ears turned red. He was always so in control but in that moment he had opened up to her. She remembered how smooth his lips felt when he kissed her on the balcony and how fast her heart had beat in response. She had wanted so badly for that moment to continue. When she made it to her room she paused and looked around. While she loved the space it provided the enormous bed that Empress Celene had given her just looked empty now. She quietly undressed and laid herself down asleep before her head hit the pillow.

He chose the waterfall. The night that he had removed the vallaslin from her visage. Her hand in his was a treasure. He looked at her and she was exactly as he remembered. For a while he went through the motions following the path of this memory. He was content to just be there with her. But instead of pulling away, instead of rejecting her, he pulled her closer in their kiss trying to occupy the same space in his need to be with her. He pulled back and looked in her eyes to see them full of lust. He gathered her in his arms and gently set her down in the grass by the river. He took his time slowly undressing her and reveling in the vision of her body. Once she was unclothed she sat up and started removing his clothing as well. There in the moonlight they knelt in front of each other admiring until finally he could contain himself no longer. He wanted to take her and make her his but instead he gently pushed her into her back. He started with a gentle kiss while his hands roamed freely along the curves of her body. He gently peppered kisses down her neck. He lost restraint for a moment and growled taking her breast into his mouth and sucking on it hard enough the leave evidence of his being there. She let out a sharp gasp and her relented but continued his slow exploration of her body. Her breathing had gotten faster and she moaned as his hands and mouth found their destination at the same time. He stopped and slowly let himself enjoy the taste of her. As he drew his tongue across her center with a little more force she cried out “Yes, Solas. Please!” At that he began to vigorously massage her with his tongue while simultaneously slipping first one then another of his long slender fingers into her. He was relentless as she bucked under his minstrations until she cried out in ecstasy. He felt her tighten around his fingers as he continued a little longer letting her slowly come down from her orgasm. Removing his fingers from her he used the slickness from them to stroke himself although his need for her was quite obvious. She looked at him “I need you. Take me and make me yours.” Solas could no longer restrain himself. He plunged himself into her slamming his mouth into hers as he began pumping faster and faster unable to hold back. “Ellana you are mine.” He growled. She was again moaning and writhing underneath him. He knew he could please her again if he just held out a little longer. She screamed his name as her orgasm again washed over her and he went over the edge as she tightened around him. He collapsed on top of her. For a while they just lay there tangled up in each other. They were both staring at the sky when Solas without thought said “I have missed you terribly, my love.” 

Ellana realized at that moment that this dream was far more than a dream. That Solas was here with her in the Fade. Not wanting to alert him to her knowledge but need to say something “It must have been tremendous this wrong you think you committed that you believe I would not forgive you for. ” She placed her hand gently on his face as the panic of his realization that she knew spread across his face. Before she could say anything else he reached out and touched her forehead.


	2. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Lavellan wakes up and realizes she is alone.

Ellana sat straight up out of bed bewildered at what just happened. "Solas!" She thought "He is alive!". At first the elation that he was alive was more than she could bear. He had come to her in the Fade and given her what she had desired so badly to happen that night. Then the realization hit her that this would be their final meeting. He had come to her and given her this in the hopes that she could move on. She knew then that Solas would never be coming back to her. Ellana cried out into the night waves of heart wrenching despair. She did not care who heard her she felt as though the hole in her chest was slowly sucking her in. Through her tears she realized that no one had heard her crying. "Everyone is gone" She realized. Almost everyone had left her after the defeat of Corypheus, they had lives before she came along and families that longed to see them again. Slowly she had watched her friends leave her behind. Iron Bull had been the first to leave because he was chomping at the bit sitting idly by. "There are Vints somewhere that need killing and I love hitting things. Thank you Boss. It's been fun. I'll never forget the dragons." And with that he was gone. Sera left to go back to her "friends" without a word. Just a quick note that said "you know how to find me". Blackwall went to the Grey Wardens as was the punishment that she had doled out for him. They never spoke, he just nodded to her when the Wardens came and walked out of Skyhold never to return. Varric started tracking down Hawke's old companions. "Someone has to tell them how he died." Varric had said voice breaking slightly at that last word. "They deserve to hear it from me." Dorian simply smiled at her and said "My dear, I must follow me heart this time." and he walked out shouting for Iron Bull to wait for him. Leliana was the Divine now and Cassandra was rebuilding the Seekers of Truth to become a new order. Josephine had gone back to Antiva although she wrote from time to time. Vivienne had gone back to court with Celene and Cole had simply disappeared one day. Last Ellana had heard Cullen had gone to see his sisters after spending too much time apart. 

She was alone in this place. How could she go back to her clan with everything she had learned? Solas had removed the Vallaslin from her face (which she had always been told was impossible) how would she explain that decision. In a fit of intimacy she believe a the history she was given by a rouge elf mage. Her Keeper would never forgive her nor would he believe the things she had found. She was alone both physically and mentally with no one to support her as her heart was rent in two. She had no idea for the longest time what had given her strength to keep fighting. To keep leading these people on a quest that seemed impossible at the start. Somewhere along the lines she realized that the only reason she kept going was for them. Seeing Cullen overcome his attachment to Lyrium or watching Sera crawl on top of Iron Bull's head and shoot arrows while he sparred. She had none of that now. She stood up from her bed on legs that did not want to support the weight of her pain and walked to the balcony. Stepping out into the cold night air she closed her eyes and concentrated. If she tried hard enough she could hear the hustle and bustle of the Inquisition at it's height. Back when she had friends to fight for and Solas made her heart race with only desire. Thinking of him brought her mind to that evening on the balcony when he had turned to go. Perhaps she should have stayed silent and not tried to stop him. He had said "It would be kinder in the long run." But she would not change the next moments with him for the world. The press of his lips against hers as his hand wrapped themselves around her. Her heart raced even now thinking of that kiss. Their first kiss in the physical realm. She opened her eyes and stepped back a few paces eyeing the balcony ledge. She stepped back a few more all the while thinking about how alone she was and how everyone had left her behind. She had nothing to look forward too now. At least when she didn't know where Solas was she had a purpose, a reason to continue. Now she had none of that. She looked at the ledge and made her decision. 

Solas sat disconsolately as he thought about her words. Would she forgive him if she knew the truth? "No. I couldn't bear to have her look at me like a monster. It is better this way." However noble he thought he was he couldn't help but try to focus on her now. He was worried about her reaction to the situation. Would she be furious or maybe even happy? Would she accept this last offering from him and move on? He knew he would not be able to continue his hunt until he knew she could move past this. He settled his mind and focused on her and like always a rush of emotions came through. Grief, loneliness, anguish, and then a finality of decision. "What! NO!" He realized what is was she meant to do and he had to stop her. "Stopping her will reveal yourself to her." the thought came unbidden to his mind. "Be damned the consequences." was his next thought as he focused more intensely on her resolute to stand judgment before her rather than let her die. He materialized in front of her just as she hit a running stride "Ellana no!" he roared as he caught her around her waist and pulled her tight to him. "No lethallan, this is not the way." He spoke softly now holding her firmly as she struggled against him. Eventually he noticed she had stopped struggling and her body began shaking as it was wracked by sobs once more. He picked her up at this point and walked her into the room and out of the cold closing the doors behind him with a little magic. When it was over and she could speak she looked up to meet his eye his heart rending at the sight of her. Face streaked with tears, eyes swollen and full of pain she spoke softly "What ever happened. What ever you imagine you have done wrong. I would forgive you for." her voice was growing in volume and anger "Instead you have forsaken me rather than giving me the option to try. And yet you are hear now stopping me! So tell me! What was so terrible that you left me behind!" She was yelling at him now her face merely inches away from his. 

Solas had closed his eyes half way through her rant unable to stand the pain in her eyes any longer. When she was done he opened his eyes and looked at her trying to convey the love in his heart in that single look. "Ellana." he began unsure of where to begin this confession. "I will explain but you must promise to look at me and not look away. This is important and I would see your true feelings about this. What happened is important but I should start with something closer to myself. Solas is a name I had chosen for myself but it is not the name that I am known by. How many times have I heard you say my name in a curse or a prayer and had to hide my eyes. Some days it hurt and others it made the world stand still to hear it from your lips." He let his control slip slowly as he spoke. She looked at his confused and slightly concerned by his words. His eye flashed and his body took on a misty glow. He said "I am Fen'Harel." in a voice she had never heard before but knew inherently to be his true sound.

Overwhelmed by this exchange Ellana's inherent sense of sarcasm rose to the occasion. "You just had to be more important than me didn't you?" She laughed harshly at the confusion that set upon his ethereal state and softened a bit. "I care not whether you wish me to call you Solas, Fen'Harel, or scream Dread Wolf take me in bed. I love you still. I understand some of your reticence in this matter as you will never age and I will. But I would have you none the less if you would have me. You should have given me the chance to chose." 

Solas stared at her for a moment hardly daring to breathe for fear of breaking this moment. He had revealed himself to her, his true self in physical form before her and she had barely batted an eye. Could he yet hope? Could she every forgive him or would she reject him outright when she learned the truth of his actions. He was convinced in his heart that she would reject him. All her pain, all her friends lost, trials overcome, and hardships faced had been constructed by him. She would hate him after this... but he owed her the truth.


	3. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas continues his explanation terrified at its implications for her. Side note: I took some liberties with the lore for this one.

"There is more." Solas said, his voice barely above a whisper. "It was my fault. Everything you have been through was my fault; Corypheus, the anchor, the orb... It was all because of me. It was my foolishness to think giving Corypheus the orb would amount to anything good. I was too weak to activate it when I awoke. I handed it over thinking perhaps I could manipulate him into activating it and then take it back but circumstances proved otherwise. Everyone who died, they died because of me. Solas's voice never raised above a whisper and the tears were pouring down his face as he looked at the ground unable to meet her eyes. He saw her step away quickly and knew if he looked up to meet her gazed there would be loathing in her eyes.

"Why?" She asked in disbelief. What did you consider so important that you would hand over that kind of power to someone else?" He sat silently for a moment unsure if the truth would change anything. "TELL ME!" She screamed at him fists balled at her sides. "TELL ME IT WAS IMPORTANT! TELL ME IT WASN'T SOME TRITE FOLLY OF THE GODS!"

"The stories that the Dalish tell say that I trapped the other gods. That is true but the reasons for it have been lost over time. We used to be there for the People, answering their prayers and helping them through the ages. However the other gods began to stop listening to some of the People. Those who did not make enough offerings or those that did not influence enough people; their prayers began to fall on deaf ears. They were becoming corrupt and useless." Solas was pacing now faster and faster as he spoke. Ellana had taken a seat on her bed seething as she listened to him. "I did lock them away! They did not deserve the respect or love of the People. I locked them away and locked away the Forgotten Ones in the process. I unintentional side benefit." Despite the seriousness of the confession Ellana noticed the ghost of a smile cross Solas's face as he had accomplished something incredible. "Afterwards the People were plunged into chaos. The unintended consequnces of my actions were revealed. I hid myself for a long time slumbering as the world move by. The orb was supposed to be the key to unlocked their prison. I did it to bring the People back some guidance. They have been too long lost, drifting through time without doing anything except surviving. The time has come for that to change." Through this explanation he had let slip his visage until it was Fen'Harel speaking to her in voice and form and not Solas. He stood tall in spite of the fact that he was looking at the ground refusing to meet her eye. He stopped moving and steeled himself to look at her. He did not bother to cloak his true form as he looked at her.

"It was not supposed to end this way. Years of isolation have taught me that my impulsiveness had more dire consequences that I could have ever imagined. And as much as they will hate me when... If I can release them I must continue searching for a way.  For now I am unsure if I will ever see my _FAMILY_ again.  So, hate me if you must.  Rail against me and banish me from your sight if it pleases you.  If it will help you heal and move on.  I can move forward no knowing that I have given you the truth that I have given no one else.  But know this too.  I will find a way to free them."  Never feeling this kind of timidity before he again dropped his gaze.  He told himself it was because he was being kind to her not showing her his pain.  The truth was he could not stand to possibility of seeing hate or fear in her eyes when she looked at him.  Before he could look up he felt her hand come to rest gently on his face. 

"Ma vhenan." She said her voice filled to the brim with a love he dared not hope for, a soft caress of kindness upon his ears. "Let us free them together."  Solas opened his eyes to see the love her held for her reflected back upon him.  He smiled puling her to him in an embrace.

"Ma nuvenin ma lath."

 

 

 

 

End.


End file.
